It’s Whether You Get Up II

This is my friend Lee. In March of 2022, he and his wife were run over and dragged 200 feet under a ‘97 Dodge Ram pickup while biking trails in Tucson, AZ.

He lost his beautiful wife as a result of that accident. She was my friend and I miss her every day. I’m crying on a plane as I write this, because she was a mentor who inspired me to live and love my life, fully, and here I am, off on a grand adventure!

Lee was expected to lose his life too, but he didn’t. He fought his ass off to survive what must have felt like the force of a thousand suns torching his entire existence. I’m grateful he is still here. Every day.

Somehow, he managed to get back up. For that he is, and always will be my hero.

My hero Lee, you are my hero.

Because getting up, knowing that you will do it alone, without the person you’ve done everything, all over the world with, for all the best years of your life, must be excruciating. I know it has been for him.

Lee suffered 11? broken ribs, 2 broken vertebrae and degloving of his left arm. (Yeah, zoom in on that arm. It’s a medical miracle.) If you don't know what "degloving" is, it's pretty much exactly as it sounds. Maybe don't "Google" it. It's not for the faint of heart.

Those are just the highlights. There were a multitude of gruesome injuries and subsequent surgeries. So many surgeries, carefully (and sometimes not so carefully) picking debris out of his skin. So much suffering on so many levels.

Eight weeks in, I watched him weep as he said goodbye to his best friend and lover. The woman he co-parented with. The woman he became a grand-parent with. The woman he built his life with.

Despite it all, he got up and kept going.

Now I could tell you what sets this man apart is that he survived and has gone on to ride a bike again, across the entire state of Iowa, in honor of his late wife, or that this Maestro has started playing his cello again, something we all doubted would be possible, or I could tell you it’s because despite losing the literal loves of his life he pushed forward.

But that’s not entirely it.

What sets this man apart is his humility. His gratitude. His forgiving nature. His ability to live in his moment, even his moments of anguish. His ability to find acceptance in even the most gut-wrenching scenarios.

His Zen. It's his ability to find pleasure, laugh, challenge himself and seek contentment in spite of a horrible, irrevocable situation that he never saw coming.

Just like my dad.

But the best thing I get to say about Lee, is that he lets me be part of his extraordinary life. Where I get to admire him, learn from him, and love him with all my heart.

I pray for his restoration and every happiness, daily. I'm so lucky, so lucky, for the examples I've had in my life. It’s not whether you get knocked down.

It only matters that you get up.

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Back to the Project-Cottage Progress

We have returned from the second trip of our "big travel year 2023." I'll write more about it in a future post, but for now, here is where things are with our building projects!

The cement still has not been poured for the foundation of the garage/mother-in-law apartment. This time the holdup was the plumber. The entire time we were in South Africa, nothing moved. 

Ugh. Argh. Grrr.

Moving on. 

The plumber is here today laying out all of his work so the foundation can be poured. Things are ready to go so hopefully once we clear this hurdle, we will see more action.

We are doing demolition on the addition for the cottage project. 

 

 

Andy took out a small section of wall and we are working on a new doorway, which will lead to the "master" in the cottage. 

We still have a closet and a wall to take out and a new wall to put in, but we have some electric to move first. New subfloor, new doors and windows, new flooring, all coming. 

I am discovering new ways to hurt myself with tools. 

I want it to move faster, but I remind myself to be patient and grateful. It's happening. 

I used a sledgehammer to punch holes through walls. No turning back now!

More at hiddencottageatlinncroft.com 

Fixing the Floor-Cottage Progress

Progress continues to grind slowly on our cottage project. Back in early July, we had the contractor who is fixing the floor, come out and give us an estimate and a date at the end of August (ugh) to come and do the work. 

Well guess what? We can't really do anything until the floor is fixed and level. 

Color breathing. 

Level floors, I guess that makes sense. It doesn't thrill me. More delays, but I get it. 

So now we are finishing up clearing the entire addition because there can't be anything on the floors when they make these repairs. There will be some heavyish demolition in the bathroom very soon! 

This damage extends around the entire perimeter
of the addition. Time to get it fixed.

Love that guy. We've been through a lot together. Some may find his
gesture threatening. He's swinging a hammer and using a chisel to pry up
carpet tack. That's not threatening. That's just hot. 

We have things waiting in the wings like tile, cabinetry, fixtures, lighting, etc., so hopefully when things really start moving around here, it will feel more satisfying, less frustrating. 

As for the garage and mother-in-law apartment, the weather has really conspired against us on that one. The much-needed rain has managed to fall in intervals that, literally up until today, have kept the contractors from digging/pouring the foundation. There is a crew out there this morning, finally digging the footings. Progress!

I can't curse the rain. Every drop that falls is money in our pockets. Money we need to complete our projects. 

We will be taking out that window and putting in French doors
leading to a small deck and eventually a screened gazebo.

We will be knocking out that closet and
doorway and creating a wall there.

Oh, and this little thing around here that happens every year, we like to call "harvest." It's a good thing it's not weather-dependent or time-consuming. Pardon the sarcasm.

Harvest is the time of the year when my husband and stepson become completely single-minded. Completely. If it is fit, eat, sleep, breathe...harvest. Until it's done. Period. 

We don't plan much in October around here. 

So...yeah. 

Having guests by October is looking pretty optimistic at this point, but it's moving forward so I figure there will definitely be a month, in the future, where we are finished with the cottage and taking guests. 

That's about all I care to promise at this point. 

Forging ahead. 

With all my heart, thanks for coming along. 

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It's Been a Month...

...since I have posted anything here. That's because it's been a very hectic month and sometimes, I just have to check out of social media and e-communication for awhile. For my sanity. Honestly, checking back "in" can be difficult after a break, but here I am. 

Over the past month:

• I've been running, catering special events, planning girl's weekends, anniversary and birthday parties.
• We drove for RAGBRAI L for our friend, Lee, in honor of his late wife, Roxy. The heat was absolutely brutal for the riders. Even I got a pretty good case of heat exhaustion. 
• I've been addressing some health concerns and nailing down details as we get ready for another travel adventure.
• We've made progress on our cottage/kitchen plans, but once again, we are dealing with (weather) delays. 

Over the next month I anticipate:

• More cottage/kitchen progress with more delays/hiccups
• Travel delays/being stuck in transit somewhere
• Unanticipated expenses (hopefully nothing too major)
• A big shift in focus toward harvest

Ugh. Sometimes things can seem so unpleasant or overwhelming. So many things going on. So many details to remember and boxes to check. Not enough hours in a day. Delays, arguments, ever-growing task lists, added expenses...

But then I look at the list again and notice all of the memories made, opportunities created, experiences to be had and think, "Life is pretty OK, isn't it?"

Yep.

Look for these posts coming next week!

It's Whether You Get Up II

The Art of the Girl's Weekend

Repairing the Floors-Cottage Progress

Packing for Africa COO

And hopefully a great potluck recipe too! 

More at hiddencottageatlinncroft.com

It's Whether You Get Up

This Vince Lombardi quote has been on the boy's bedroom door for over ten years now. I hung a poster of it at the foot of my dad's bed when he was fighting cancer. 

He lost that fight more than 7 years ago now, but before he did, he got up many times. 

If I have anyone to credit in my life for what some people call "stubbornness" and I call "tenacity," it's probably my dad. 

He was a tenacious fighter, indeed. 

When he was 13, he broke his neck in a diving accident. You read that correctly. He broke his neck. 

He was in full-body traction for six months. They would come and flip him every two hours and he would stare at the ceiling or the floor. For six months. He was a child.

The doctors discussed his prognosis like he wasn't even in the room, telling my grandparents that he would never walk again. When I asked him, "What did you think when you heard him say that dad?"

Bear in mind this is a 13-year-old kid in the 50s. He replied, "I thought 'Bullshit', I'm going to walk again." 

And he did. He was in chronic pain every single day of his life after that. 

But he got up. He did way more than walk. He was an avid sportsman for years. He hunted, fished, participated in trap shooting and all sorts of tournaments. When I was a very young child he even bowled and played golf.

Playing baseball one time in the back yard with my brother, Brady, I once saw him run the bases, and to this day I both laugh and cry when I think about it. 

Many years later, he was loading an ATV onto his truck when the tailgate failed and it fell on him, breaking 7 ribs. 

He got up after that one too. 

Throughout all of it, he resisted prescriptions of heavy pain medications because he knew later in life, he might really need them, after all that his body had been through. He survived chronic, sometimes excruciating pain, on over-the-counter pain relief. For decades. 

It was a good thing he did, because when the cancer came, it came hard, and it was wickedly painful. The drugs he avoided all of his life, were suddenly necessary for him to survive, and thankfully they worked for him for the last 2 years of his life. 

He made the best of every day he had. Once, when we were out on his little fishing boat at sunset many years ago, I caught him smiling and said, "You look happy."

He replied, "I'm better than happy."

Puzzled, I asked, "What's better than happy?"

"Content," he said. 

When people ask me about "cottage progress" and "how are things going?' and "when will it be done??!" and "how much will it cost?!" they sometimes seem surprised when I'm not overly stressed about the number of delays and detours and issues that have come up.

Big deal. 

I grew up in the shadow of a giant, who was also my dad, and the person who taught me everything I know about "getting up." His bar for surviving adversity and pain was sky high. There was no way that wasn't going to influence me and my brothers. 

They're "Get Uppers" too. 

Don't get me wrong. I know we are taught now that we should not ignore our own suffering and struggles "because someone else had it worse." I get that, but for me, this isn't about diminishing my own difficulties because my dad survived much harder ones. 

My dad found contentment in a life that served him a disabling pain sandwich. 

For me, it's about using his example to inspire, comfort me and push me forward.

It has been a way of coping with the inevitable agonies that have come to me in the form of injury, illness, loss, tragedy, betrayal and/or death. It's knowing that life is definitely going to knock me on my can. Over and over again. Sometimes it's really going to hurt, too, and there is really nothing I can do to about it. 

Except get back up. 

I will survive my cottage project difficulties just fine. I'm starting a new business. This is not a tragedy. It's a challenge, and one that I feel blessed and fortunate to have.

I will survive with contentment, and I will do it in honor of the man who taught me how. 

I will do it like he did. Until I just can't anymore. 

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Bucket Lists

I was never the sort of person who felt like I needed to make a "bucket list." I'm not even sure why. Maybe I was just too lazy to make one! Or maybe it seemed sort of morbid. Or maybe I just didn't know what I would put on one. Maybe I just didn't see the point. 

Then something changed, clicked along the way. We suffered some big losses and hardships in 2022. We also had some big wins and some very good fortune as well. Weird how life doles it out like that, so often. Among the losses came a reminder that life is short, but it can also be sweet, even amid the heartaches and the hardships. 

I decided a bucket list wasn't' morbid, it was just a list of goals and dreams. Who doesn't need more of that? I decided that I can get up and sit on the edge of my bed and cry for the first five minutes of every day, because my heart hurts, in Prague as well as Pierson, Iowa. I decided I should do that. I should do that because I'm the only one who is going to live this life for me, and although it's not perfect and not always the way I imagined it, it's wonderful and completely worth living to its fullest. 

The difficulty and challenges that keep coming at us don't cease. We just get older and hopefully a little better at coping with them, but we shouldn't wait for a magical time when everything is perfect to plan to do the beautiful things in life, whatever that means for you, personally. 

Write a list. Make some goals and dreams come true. Do some of them now. Do some of them next year. Keep knocking them off your list. 

Die trying to do all of them. 

Note: This was originally published back in January, but I felt the need to revisit it.

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A Visit to the Lumberyard-Project Progress

We went to the lumberyard last Friday to pick out exterior finishes for the garage and apartment. It really shocked me how many things we had to decide and how many questions we were asked...just for the outside of the building. 

Soon, Andy's mother will be picking out interior finishes and details for her apartment. 

Building permits, county inspections, contractors are all in a row. 

The clearing of the addition continues. We have contractors coming next week to look at what will be involved in repairing the floors down there. 

Next up: Concrete work for the foundation of the new building plus septic, water and electric. 

So many things to do, but we will get there.

We just have to keep taking all of the identifiable steps. 

More at hiddencottageatlinncroft.com 

You Never Know-Mickey Baillargeon

When I was young, I had a Fairy Godmother of sorts. Her name is Mickey and she is the mother of one of my very good childhood friends. 

Mickey wasn't the kind of "Fairy Godmother" who waved a magic wand and turned pumpkins into carriages. She was far more magical than that. She had the ability to see people. Really see them. 

She saw me. 

During my elementary school years, I spent a lot of time at their farm. Mickey had a soft spot for me. She included me and all of my spaz-monkey neurodivergence. Good grief, most adults, including my own parents had no idea what to do with me. My sixth-grade teacher wanted me evaluated for "mental disturbances."

He had no idea what was going on in my home. Or that I had ADHD. One of the "most acute cases" the therapist who evaluated me, "had ever seen in her 21 years of testing." 

Mickey knew there was more to my story. She laughed at my jokes and told me I was pretty. Some of the best childhood memories I have are sitting around their kitchen table in the morning before the bus arrived, eating Wheaties with whole milk from the milk house and toast with real butter, listening to all of them talking about what the day had in store.

I used to love to watch her with her husband, Dennis, the hardest working man I've ever known, at the kitchen sink after supper. Mickey would wash dishes and I would often see Dennis walk up to her and pull her close to him. He looked at her like she was a star, the love of his life. She was. I think their eyes actually twinkled when they stared at each other. That's how I remember it, anyway. 

Mickey made me believe in true love. Mickey made want to marry a farmer.

Most importantly, Mickey taught me that you never know how you might influence or impact another person, just by being kind and nurturing toward them. You never know how much you might improve their outlook or build their confidence or teach them about love, if you just resist the judgement, we are fed every day about one another, to make room for compassion. 

You never know if you might be helping someone hang on for one more day. 

She's the reason I tell children they are funny, smart and beautiful. Because I remember how it felt when she told me. I remember the impact it had. 

Mickey is responsible for some of my very happiest childhood memories. I wonder if she knows that? 

Maybe I should go see her and tell her. 

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Play Acting in the Grove-The Children

When I was young, my brother, Brady, and I would play-act in our back yard. We had a few rows of pine trees which separated our property from a swamp. Brady and I would play for hours in those trees, pretending all sorts of stories and adventures. Later, we played "Star Wars" with friends, acting out battles and encounters with stormtroopers. Using pretend light sabers and "the force" to defeat our enemies. 

My kids grew up doing similar in our yard on the river in Wisconsin. They would run around our big yard with their friends and act out stories inspired by their video games and books they loved to read. 

When I came to Iowa with my two, they play acted with Andy's kids in the grove. They dressed up and played out WWII battles and played "Lord of the Rings." 

Never mind that the WWII acting came with real campfires that almost set the grove on fire or that they used my best tablecloths for capes. I loved that they wanted to use their imaginations and could keep themselves entertained for hours. They were all such bright and precocious children.  I would often pack up picnic baskets full of "supplies" and props for them to take outside. 

It didn't even bother me that I'd find my dishes and utensils laying in the dirt the following spring. With the remains of the campfire.

 

Sometimes ignorance is bliss. 

I imagine children doing that in the grove again soon. As we busy ourselves with clean up and planning of the garden/grove, I see little ones using the shrubs and trees as secret hiding spots and little houses. I look forward to seeing them play-acting outside my window and eavesdropping on their tales and adventures like I did with our kids.

I sure hope that happens. I have missed it so much.  

Hopefully they won't set real fires. 

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About Three Years Ago-Hidden Cottage Recap

During the pandemic, three years ago, we invited some good friends to the farm for some "glamping." Everyone was so tired of the public health crisis and everyone around us was feeling very stressed, yet people were trying to be careful and exercise precautions. We were especially careful in our group of friends where there were several of us in high-risk health situations. 

"Glamping" seemed a thing we could have people come out and do for a getaway and a chance for us to connect with friends we had been missing. 

First, Andy and I tried it on our deck. It was fun. 

Next we invited our good friends, Lee and Roxy, out with their RV. After getting them set up and spoiling them with a couple of nice outdoor meals, walks around the property, and pulling weeds in the flower beds (yes, that was entertaining to Roxy,) Lee said, "I didn't realize how much I needed this." 

A month later, another couple we love to travel with, Mark and Amy McGrew, came out and "glamped" in a tent we decked out in the grove. It was another opportunity to spoil my friends. 

They really seemed to love it. Mark said, "It was awesome being out in the fresh air and waking up to the birds. I slept great!"

All of my friends who visited that summer were stressed by what was going on in the nation but were all dealing with other difficult life challenges at the same time too. Like most of us were, I think. It made me feel relief knowing we could do something to help our friends relax a little during such turbulent times. 

So the idea of hosting at the farm was explored in earnest and we started talking about selling The Lady Next Door and what we could do at our place in terms of a "farm stay," which have become phenomenally popular in recent years.

Expedia, the largest travel agency in the world, now has a seperate search category just for farm stays, internationally. They have been Airbnb's most popular booking category for the past three years. It seemed like this was the time to make the move and bring our little side gig to the farm. 

Six months later, Andy's dad had a "mild" stroke. Moving our endeavors closer to the farm was no longer an idea we were entertaining, but a necessity, because Andy quickly became a primary caregiver for both of his parents, although with an aide during the day, Andy's father was still able to be at home. 

We committed to the idea of hosting at the farm, but as we made our plans, it became apparent that some of our ideas were not very practical. We thought of doing glamping tents, but quickly abandoned that idea because of one undeniable factor. Wind. We get some crazy wind here at the farm sometimes and we identified numerous issues for tent dwellers, none of them stay-enhancing. 

Then we thought about converting a pre-fab shed, grain bin, chicken coop, a section of our machine shed and a few other structures we had access to. From reasons ranging to price to installation of a new sewer system to logistics, access and location on the farm, these ideas went into the trash as we explored them further and we went back to the drawing board.

Then Andy's dad had a second stroke. This one put him into skilled care, permanently, but my husband's care of his parents continues on a daily basis. 

Because my husband farms, the demands of his job can change from minute to minute and most of his job is time and weather sensitive so keeping everyone close by had become not just essential, but mandatory, in order to keep up with meeting the needs of our farm and his parents. 

It was then, we realized that Andy's mom might be better off living physically closer to us as well, so we began looking at options and we landed on converting the addition to our original farmhouse into an apartment for her. We were also looking at building a garage to replace the one we lost in a tornado about ten years ago. 

After we met with contractors, our plans went into the trash again due to some unexpected issues that need to be repaired, however, where everything landed seems to have worked out okay for us and we are finally on our way.

Andy's mom will have a new apartment attached to our new garage, which means she will also have an attached garage. This feature was very important to Andy. Our cottage is now going into the addition along with my catering kitchen. 

Just three short years and a million ideas, hiccups and detours later, here we are, doing it. Doing more than we planned. Just taking each step and each day as it comes. 

A vision realized, is just a finite list of identifiable steps, taken.

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Back in the Kitchen Over the Weekend

But not how I usually work in the kitchen!

I got back to doing some painting and drawing for the children's book! I am expecting to have some things for sale on the website soon so stay tuned! 

I also got to work on some other fun creative projects too. I found these online, for cottage decor, at an unacceptable price. I thought they were pretty cute, but the original ceramic pieces are way too much and the knock-offs are made out of resin and still $75! Not paying that.

So I attempted to make some of my own. The first attempt was a disaster. I used air drying clay and it cracked...everywhere. Completely fell apart, total failure. Even after I tried to avoid making this mistake with way too much time spent on YouTube. 

I used polymer clay and paper clay for my next attempts, and they came out much better. I definitely liked the premium polymer the best. Now to paint them and give them cute personalities. 

As an FYI, I molded the clay around regular glass jars that I got for $.99 at the craft store so they will hold water for a few stems of flowers each to make them look like they are wearing flowery hats. 

Yes. Yes, I do embrace the little old lady in me. With great big hugs and smooches. Because getting older is a glorious thing for someone who never even expected to be here today. 

Life is beautiful. Even when it's not. Because it's life. 

Have a wonderful, creative, loving, brilliant week. 

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The Kitchenette-Cottage Progress

We picked out cabinets for the kitchenette over the weekend. We went with basic, unfinished cabinets and upon inspection, these got Andy's seal of approval. 

The kitchenette in the cottage will be equipped with:  

        Major Appliances:

•     Sink with spray nozzle and Insinkerator disposal

•     Dishwasher

•     26" Refrigerator/freezer

•     Convection microwave

        Small Appliances: 

•     French press/Electric coffee maker/Stovetop espresso maker/Pour-over coffee pot (my guests seem to like a lot of coffee options)

•     2-burner hot plate

•     Toaster

•     Blender

•     Small crockpot

•     Electric tea kettle

•     Hand mixer

It will also offer our guests:

•     Excellent storage/Lazy Susan/Open shelving

•     Teak butcher block countertops

•     Tile backsplash

I went with basic, no-frills cabinets that I will paint myself. Andy plans to trim out the upper cabinets with some crown moulding and I think he might have a couple of other finishing tricks up his sleeve that will really make my basic cabinets seem more special. The pretty tile, nicer hardware and teak butcher block countertops should really dress up the kitchenette too. 

The color I'm choosing for the cabinets is a custom color that will have a hint more blue in it. I can't wait to see what it looks like when it all comes together. 

We are going with luxury vinyl plank tile in the living/kitchenette area of the cottage. It is for commercial use so it has to have floors that will stand up to our guests' "enjoyment" of the place! They also need to be water-tight. 

I did a lot of shopping around to find what I wanted at the price I wanted to pay and used some other bargain-hunting tricks like rebates and clearance items to knock the price down on the kitchenette. 

We haven't purchased everything yet, because I think I can get a little more knocked off waiting for sales. 

After it was all laid out with my estimate, Andy was thrilled with the price tag. I mean, thrilled. 

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