There is no Shame in Regifting

If you give me a gift that I can't use or don't want or need, I'm giving it to someone else.

Unapologetically.

To me, regifting something just means I didn't have to go out and buy a gift, so that becomes a gift in itself. 

I have regifted lots of things to my guests over the years. We don't drink wine. I have received more bottles of wine than I can remember, as gifts. Every one of those bottles was regifted to a guest or a friend. It went to someone who enjoyed it, and it saved me the time, effort and expense of having to buy something. That is a gift! Besides, what am I going to do with it? 

I don't regift everything. Handmade items always remain with me because of the time, talent and energy put into them. On the flip side, I give lots of gifts. I love giving gifts. If people regift them, I'm fine with that. 

It's also better for your wallet and the environment. Less waste, less stuff. 

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate gifts very much. If I'm given a gift, it's rarely the "thing" given that touches my heart. It might sound corny, I'm sure it does, but if someone thinks enough of me to give me anything at all, that's enough for me. 

It's not about the things given, it's about the love the things are given with. So, give with love and regift with love because either way, it just keeps the love flowing.

There is no shame in that. 

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I Don't Know if I Can Do This

We are heading out for another one of our 2023 vacation adventures and this one involves a green sand beach. There are only four green sand beaches in the world. We will be a 2.5-mile hike away from one of them on this trip.

This may not sound huge to you, but it's pretty huge for me. My weight is still an issue for me, even after significant loss. (140+) I haven't been a walker. I haven't been in very good shape the past several years and this five-mile hike along the shoreline sounds like a lot for me. Like a LOT. 

I've been on the elliptical, trying to build endurance and strength for this challenge. I'll be with Andy and other very supportive people. It's just walking.

Just walking to something that there are only four of on the planet. 

I want to do it. I feel like this would be a huge, missed opportunity. 

I just don't know if I can do it. What if I get halfway to the beach and I'm like, "Nope. I'm done." What if I twist my ankle? What if emergency services have to be involved? 

There are no services along this route. I hear airlifts are costly. My mind reels. 

Something tells me this will be one of those "memories of a lifetime" sort of adventures for me. A hike to something amazing and rare, a helicopter ride to a hospital landing pad, either way, I'll never forget it. 

I don't know if I can do this.

I guess I will find out when I try. 

PS - I will not be bringing back any sand from the beach if I make it. There is a fine of up to $100K for doing so. Definitely sounds like something I should not miss.

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Roxy-The Original Influencer

I lost one of the best humans I've ever known in 2022. Roxana Jo Fudge. She absolutely lived up the sound of that name. She was four feet, eleven inches of extraordinary. She was one of the great influencers of my lifetime and continues to be so.

She was a great influence on many people, especially women. She loved to see women around her challenged, successful and fulfilled. She was not threatened by the achievements and accomplishments of other women. She relished in the success of the women in her life, whether it was baking a cake, taking a 500-mile bike ride or becoming a professor, she was always there, literally jumping for joy.

Besides, Roxy had plenty of her own achievements. Roxy taught me that competing against other women was childish and counterproductive. Against yourself, that's how the real bad-ass women compete. 

Among the many and varied lessons she taught me, was how to be happy for others when good things happened for them, even if those good things were not happening to me. She so easily understood and put into action the idea that supporting someone when good things were happening for them, with her joy and enthusiasm, allowed her to be a part of that good fortune, even if only indirectly. 

She also understood that something good happening for another had no bearing on whether or not good things would come to her. She anticipated good things coming to her and felt there was no reason they wouldn't. It certainly wasn't dependent on anything that was happening for others around her, so why not share in their happiness? 

She once said to me, "I wonder if friends who can't be happy for you when something great happens for you, are very good friends at all?" 

See what she did there? "I wonder." As in, "I'm not telling you what to think. I'm just asking the question." Planting a seed, for thought to grow.

Then the next thing out of her mouth comes, "I hope I show that I am happy for my friends when good things happen to them." 

See what she did there? As in, "I hope I do for them what I wish them to do for me. Do I?" Planting a seed, for reflection and improvement to grow.

Many of the plans and projects I'm working on now, including upcoming travel, the children's book, recovering my health and the cottage itself have been inspired by how well she lived and loved her life. If she wanted to do something, learn something, go somewhere, Roxy went after it. I would like nothing more than to follow in her tiny footsteps. 

She taught me so much. She taught me to believe in myself and my vision, even if no one else did. She encouraged me to be brave, she traveled with me, she pushed me outside of my comfort zone when she could, and she held me accountable. She taught me to choose my battles and to accept that not everyone is going to feel about you, the same way you feel about them, and that's okay, and you will be okay.

In fact, you are already more than "okay."

Now, that is an influencer. 

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Cottage Progress

Before we get to any of the "fun" stuff, we're going to have to clean up around the shed. We have loads of raspberries and brush we are going to have to clear. You can't see it from this view, but the siding on the back of the shed will also have to be replaced due to damage from a bad storm. 

What you're looking at is the future entrance to One L'il Kitchen, my commercial kitchen dream! 

The lumber order has been made and as soon as it arrives, we will start measuring and do some preliminary framing! 

We have plans for some landscaping, tree planting and vegetable gardening this spring and summer. I'm a terrible gardener, with goals to become a moderately successful gardener. We shall see. 

Not much getting done today, however, as we're getting some much-needed rain. It feels like a good day to work on the paintings for the children's book. Maybe. Even with the rain, it's going to be a productive week! I'm not entirely sure about that, but if I say it enough, maybe that's how it will work out. 

It can be frustrating working on a long-term project when I can see the end-goal in my head so clearly, but the reality of it just takes its own sweet time. 

One thing I do know about reaching any goal is that if I can see it in my head, I can make it happen in my real-time experience. Although it may take me some time to figure it out, I just have to identify each step in getting there.

Then take them. 

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 Love Language

I'm sure you've heard the expression. It refers to the way you express love toward others through your actions. 

Throwing parties, cooking, gift giving, special occasions, are my love language. It's always been true, ever since early childhood. I often go to great lengths to make my occasions stand out in the memories of those I love. 

A lot of times people around me don't get it. My mother used to tell me I was generous to a fault. I still don't understand how generosity can be a fault, but if you know, please avoid telling me. I enjoy living in my own world where generosity is a good thing.

Mine has never taken food off of my table, so I'm fine with it. 

Recently I received a wonderful and generous gift from my niece and nephew, ages six and four, respectively. 

We were all together on a family weekend, staying at an Airbnb before Thanksgiving. I was busy cooking and helping my niece with craft projects when I started to feel a little headachy and run down. I needed to lay down for a bit and that's what I told my niece and nephew. I promised to return for more fun as soon as I'd had some rest. I laid down for about an hour. 

When I got up, Andy came in and said, "The kids have something they made for you. They want to show you."

How sweet. 

Andy took me up to their room and to my surprise and delight, they had decorated the room with a plethora of "fancy" pipe cleaners that they had bent and twisted into decorations. On every lamp, light switch and every piece of furniture, were these fabulous, sparkly contortions! They made presents and wrapped them for me! There were snacks! They had dimmed the lights and they had Andy start the music. 

My niece exclaimed "We made you a dance party, Gramela!" ("Popcorn" by Gershon Kingsley performed by "Hot Butter" 1972  Popcorn Original Song - YouTube )

Ooh. A dance party. For a headache. Thrown by a six and four year old. 

I'm IN!

We danced and laughed and danced some more until we were sweaty and tired. After the dancing died down, I looked around at the beautifully decorated room and it hit me. 

The kids had been paying attention. They noticed all the times I visited with gifts and ways to make our time together a special occasion. Under the actions of making the crafts and giving the gifts and playing the games and baking the cookies, was the love, and they knew it. 

How can I be sure? Because as the glint off of one of the sparkly pipe cleaners, dangling from a drawer pull, caught my eye, I realized the obvious truth of it. The children were speaking my love language back to me. I heard it loud and clear, as "happy tears" streamed down my cheeks. 

I still have all of the sparkly pipe cleaners in a box.

How could I throw away a box filled with love?

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Traveling Makes Us Better Hosts-The Spoons

It's a convenient truth. Traveling does make us better hosts. Some of the best ideas and inspiration that is going into the Hidden Cottage, has come from stays at other rentals with great hosts. 

We stayed at a cottage called The Spoons on the Isle of Skye in Scotland on our honeymoon and some of the ideas we gathered there have inspired us for more than a decade. 

The thing that truly set The Spoons apart was that it felt more like an entire experience, rather than just a hotel or place to stay. It felt like the place welcomed you and swept you into a million tiny, perfect, delicious little details that made you feel like royalty. Or at least like this was something extra special. We basked in that feeling. 

It wasn't just the attention to detail, impeccable editing, and genuine hospitality, nor was it the delicious hand-crafted breakfast offerings, but the excellence and love in which they were offered. Hosting at its very finest. I believe just about anything can be done so well, the elevation of it, the execution of it, becomes its own art form. The Spoons achieved that in hospitality. 

In 2023 we have promised ourselves a year of adventures and experiences and dreams come true. We're going to do some traveling, take some cooking classes in other countries, glean ideas from other hosts and bring the new knowledge, skills and aesthetic back to make the Hidden Cottage perfect for our guests. 

The Spoons is no longer in business, but you can still find amazing reviews about them online. Tricks I learned there will inspire me forever. Creating an experience for our guests like the one we had there is the bar I'm always aiming for.

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It's Official (We Spent Money)

We placed our first serious order for lumber this weekend. We have a plan and we've paid real money, so it's happening. No turning back now! 

Phase I construction begins in earnest as soon as the lumber arrives, but in the meantime, we will be working on cleaning up the grove directly behind the shed and taking measurements. 

We've added a small sitting area above the classroom because we plan to rent this unit out first, so we have some income while we work on the rest. When we complete the remainder the cottage in Phase II, we will be able to rent out two seperate units, sleeping four guests in one and two guests in the studio or one bigger adjoined unit, sleeping six total. 

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How We Plan to Do it

After 8 years of successful hosting our 4-bedroom,1892 Victorian vacation rental, The Lady Next Door, in town, we decided to move the operation to our farm so we could be closer to Andy’s parents and truly “work from home.”

Initially we considered converting a portable shed into a cottage, but now we are planning to build a cottage inside our existing machine shed.

The new plan gives us a lot of room for customizing the layout and adding some bonus features. Our original plan was for a 16 x 40' portable shed but the dimensions of the cottage we plan to build in the machine shed will be 16 x 52'. Basically, we can execute the original floor plan pretty closely, but with a little more space. This also allows us to loft the master bedroom and add and En suite bath, while creating space below for a small commercial kitchen that I'll use for my own catering, cakes and classes, but will also be available for rent.

This plan solves a lot of problems for us, and we will save a substantial amount of money on siding, roofing, electric and foundation. Check back for updates and progress as we attempt to figure this one out! We start purchasing lumber and supplies in December and then we will begin framing it out! 

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 I'm Comfortable with My Failure

In 2022 I set a goal to lose 50 pounds. I had set the same goal in 2021 and achieved it. This year I came up short of my goal, at 41 pounds, but I'm comfortable with it. It's been a tough year. I spent a lot of it, hard-core, grieving. Food has always been a comfort. Considering I felt like a bottomless pit of need most of 2022, I'll take the loss and count it as a victory. 

When my dad got diagnosed with cancer several years ago, and the two subsequent years he spent dying from it, I put 85 pounds on my already morbidly obese frame. 

There was no number of donuts or pints of ice cream that could fill that pit of need, but I tried. This brought me back to my all-time highest weight at nearly 400 pounds. Of note, I had already lost this weight once before. That is another story. 

Since my dad passed away of prostate cancer, I have successfully shed 141 pounds. It's taken quite a while, but I've made good strides the past two years. I'm setting another 50-pound goal for myself this year. It's good to have goals. I have ideas about how I might push things along this year. I have motivation in the form of some trips and experiences that will be more enjoyable with increased fitness and endurance. 

It's been a good thing and I no longer worry about how long it will take to reach my goal, as long as I'm moving the right direction. I can do more, walk farther, last longer, carry more. I don't need a seat belt extender on flights anymore. Clothes are cuter now. I force myself to buy some. I've dropped an entire shoe size and width. Andy made me buy new shoes. What can I say? I just don't get enjoyment out of clothes and shoes. Cookware. That turns me on. Ironic, right? 

Well, here I am. Resolution time. Here I come 2023, all packed up with my goals, dreams and ideas on how to get there! Buckle up!

PS-I'll post the traditional before and after photo as soon as I have one! Those are not my feet. I would never post a photo of my feet. Who needs that? 

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I Always Promise the Universe

I pray. Every day. I pray for many people. I ask that they be blessed with health, contentment, peace and prosperity. I ask that I be blessed with the same. And then I make the promise. It goes something like, "If you see fit to bless me, I promise to always share what I receive with others." 

I take that promise very seriously. 

My life hasn't always been fun nor easy, much like yours I suspect. I've had some serious pain and struggles throughout. I'm going through some of the most painful at this time, in fact. I still consider myself blessed beyond reason. Beyond anything I ever thought would happen for me, and the best part is, that I continue to feel the blessings pour over me daily. I see my prayers being answered and I feel grateful. Even when everything isn't perfect. 

Given that I feel so blessed about being able to do this project, I have plans to use the cottage in ways that I can give back. Do you know a child with cancer or other serious illness? Someone who has been abused or neglected? Someone who has nothing extra and fights just to keep food on the table? Maybe a young military couple who can't afford a honeymoon?

I do. 

I plan to block off dates to offer the cottage to those who aren't in a financial position to rent it, for free. As the cottage becomes more successful, I'll increase the number of "gift stays" I will offer. People who struggle and suffer, need happy memories to hold onto, most of all. I speak from experience on this one. Sometimes the happy memories we hold onto, carry us through, until the struggling and suffering end.

I made a promise. I plan to keep it. 

I truly look forward to spoiling all my guests. Some even more than others. 

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Setting Down the "Stuff" to Make More Memories

It's a commitment Andy and I have made with our gift-giving and our lives in general, recently. It's also why we've been able to travel more, and why we intend to keep it that way.

Andy didn't buy a single souvenir on our recent trip to Italy. I bought three toddler tee shirts for my niece and nephews and a small pink backpack with "Italia" printed on it, for my niece. That's it. Nothing for myself or Andy because we had some really extraordinary experiences on the trip and I'm not sure any trinket or duty-free purchase could ever measure up. 

What we know is that going forward, there will be more traveling, more foodie adventures with friends, more hugs, more laughs and more events to file in our memories. I'm not sure why it took us so long to figure this out, but we are glad we've finally arrived here. 

I think our new approach will also make us better hosts and offer better experiences. We are really paying attention to the things that resonate with us and make the biggest impact so we can use our observations to make for a better guest experience at the Hidden Cottage. Nothing will please me more than knowing that staying at the cottage will be a happy memory our guests will hold onto.

The "stuff" fades in and out of our experience, but the memories last much longer. If we are very, very lucky, right up until our very last breath. Maybe even beyond.

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Working with Andy

Andy and I have tackled several rather big projects over the years. Everything from massive theatrical musical productions to starting a 4-day community-wide Christmas festival to planning trips overseas for large groups and of course, hosting a short-term rental property. None of these things speak to our competence or skill as much as they speak to our ability to bite off more than we can chew. I mean, we were RAGBRAI drivers for 7 years for heaven's sake! 

In the end, our marriage survives, and the project gets accomplished with at least a moderate level of success. Sometimes even better than that. Sometimes we are really pleased with our work. This is going to be one of those times. 

Well, we're doing it again. We have a vision and now we're going to try to bring it into reality. The hardest part of this will be communication. For two people who can really talk a lot, Andy and I often have trouble explaining things to each other. I have a very visual brain, but I don't think the explanations I give are always clear to what that vision is (because I imagine he sees it in his head the same way I do. Doesn't everyone?) 

Sometimes the results end in something that is so far off base, we literally have to scrap it and start over, or worse, pour more money into it to fix what we messed up. Then we find ourselves dealing with acute frustration and downright anger. The kind that makes us want to strangle each other while dropping f-bombs all over the place. Do you think it's bad idea that we'll be enclosed in a machine shed, working with power tools? 

Yet here we are. Sixteen years in and still attempting new and bigger projects, despite the challenges and communication issues of working with our spouse. Truth be told, Andy isn't always easy to work with. Sometimes I'm impossible. 

I know this isn't going to be easy, but I also know neither of us would want to attempt it with anyone else. So here we go. Into a new year, a new project, a new chance to prove to ourselves that we can. 

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 Alpacas are Coming

Yes, that's right. At least I think so. Andy isn't too big on livestock around here, but he didn't seem to mind this idea so I'm investigating what it would take to have one, or a few here at the farm.

Not only will they make a fun added feature for our guests, but I've always loved them and also Llamas. I've never really thought of having any "livestock" here either, unless you count our two dogs, who keep us busy like they are a herd of cattle, but this idea really appeals to me. Not only do they make good pets, but one alpaca can produce enough wool for 4-5 sweaters a year! 

Prepare to meet some seriously spoiled camelids!

Now I just need to teach myself to make yarn and weave. 

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What the Space Looks Like Now

It doesn't look like much, to be sure, but we are giving ourselves a year (approximately) to finish this project. We've been thinking about it for quite some time. We tossed around a few other ideas and possibly converting other structures, but we landed on the machine shed.

Building the cottage inside the shed gives us several advantages, not least of which, we can build inside another structure providing electricity, heat and shelter. A winter build, even in Iowa, now becomes a possibility. We will also have a foundation in place, and it gives us maximum flexibility on the creative side. I really want the inside of the cottage to feel a bit quirky and fun and I want the spaces to look like those that I'm drawing and painting in the books. 

Our proposed floorplan shows two separate 2nd level bedrooms, each accessed by its own staircase. Quirky, right? You'd never build a house this way, but that probably won't stop us from doing it, since no one will ever see the exterior of the cottage-because it's IN the shed! This also makes the cottage, truly "hidden!"

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 A "Little Medium" Kitchen

This blog title inspired by my nephew, Bear. When asked to describe the size of a secret object in a game he was playing with his sister, he replied, “Uh…it’s a little medium” That is now my favorite size. For everything. Imagine the reaction I get when ordering coffee. 

So, we're going to try to build a "little medium" commercial kitchen, something I've dreamed of for a long time. 

I plan to use it for my own catering and cakes and teaching cooking classes. I'd love to teach young ones the basics of cooking! If you ask my sister-in-law, Amber, she will tell you I have a lot of patience for this. Who knew? I do love working with kids in the kitchen.

I also plan to rent the kitchen out to other caterers, canners and small operations who might need the use of a commercial kitchen for a short period of time. 

It will also be great for offering my cottage guests truly personal and customized meals, desserts, cakes, charcuterie and extras for any special occasion or celebration. 

I'm excited to explore other ways to use this space!

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The Lady Next Door

Andy and I hosted a 4-bedroom, 1892 Victorian home in Cherokee, Iowa for 9+ years. We listed our property on Airbnb for about 6 of those as Superhosts with a 4.9 star rating.

We really didn't have any terrible experiences. I can't say I'm sorry I don't have stories of "guests from hell" trashing my property or demanding refunds for the slightest reason. The vast majority of our guests were pleasant, respectful families visiting the area for family gatherings like weddings, reunions and funerals. They enjoyed staying at this property because it allowed them to stay together with all the privacy of a private home, but with a lot of the charm of a bed and breakfast.

After Andy's dad had his second stroke, we made the decision to close shop in town and build a cottage at our farm so we could continue to host. We simply had to prioritize and be closer to where we were really needed. It was a bittersweet decision, as Andy and I both gave up additional things in town that we were heavily invested in, but it was also in the middle of the pandemic and all signs seemed to point to being close to home.

If I had any confessions about being a Superhost, it would be that unless you love making beds, cleaning toilets and offering the highest level of customer service, you'll need to derive something more from hosting than money, star-ratings and positive reviews.

It can be a fairly thankless job sometimes, but if you do it well, your guests will carry memories of their time in your space with them for a long time. Maybe forever. That is an intangible that can really only be measured in joy.

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